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I must warn you....Everything that ever existed, exists, or that will come into existence has been or will be talked out of fabrication, even into fabrication. In this, things or beings such as Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy, Astrology have lost all their meaning. Here is where I put my argument to everything I think deserves an argument or something I just think is fun. These theories provide neither truth or even logic, so don't take them as such.
-curtosy of Kristin Lamb
- The Easter Bunny- There is no real Easter bunny. This is a major Conspiracy on the U.S. A few hundred years ago, the U.S. decided that there were too many bunnies in the country, so during a war we sent hundreds of bunnies over to Australia. Needless to say, The Aussies weren't happy. So they decided to get revenge on the U.S. They bred the bunnies with bears and came up with an end result: The Kangaroo. Then, while all the Americans were spending time with their families on Easter, they sent on the Kangaroos back to America dressed up like bunnies. The Americans, in the Holiday Spirit, decided that it was a creature from God to bring them happiness during the Holiday. The only problem was that these creatures weren't the kindest of make, and gave all the small American children nightmares, which in turn kept their parents up all night comforting them. Re-cap: There is no real Easter bunny, it's just a comspiracy involving kangaroos dressed up like a bunnies working for Austrailians who are trying to make American children have bad dreams to keep their parents up to get back at them for all those waskely wabbits.
- The Evil Snowman Menace- Snowmen, we all know their cheery smiling faces, many of us look forward to nothing more than seeing that familiar carrot-nosed fellow standing in our yard. But....there seems to some of us to be something more sinister behind that coal grin, something siniter lurking in that head under that stove pipe hat. Yes, as sad as it may seem some of these snowmen are truley and irredeemably evil.It must be pointed out that it is not all snowmen being attacked here but rather the maliciously cruel and nefarious ones that have infiltrated this, our most sacred winter activity. What terrible fiend would dream up a scheme as twisted and vile as this you may ask? Well, that is what should be addressed here. Sources seem to indicate that the Evil Snowmen Menace, or ESM as it will henceforth be called, originated from a rogue Canadian biotech splinter group researching military black-ops applications of familiar winter beings. These diabolical researchers were booted out of their home in the great white north for their radical goals and total opposition to the Canadian standard of general cool politeness that makes Canadians so aggreeable to be around. Regardless of their origins in Canada, however, these snowmen are truly horrific to behold. At first you may see a normal innocent looking snowman just minding his own business when all-of-a-sudden a score of icy snow tentacles flies out of its belly toward your head! The last thing you see before your frozen doom is the evilly cackling face of a member of the ESM. What's worse, these devilish monsters seem to have broken free of their ex-Canadian biotech masters and hone rogue themselves! A truly terrifying concept as reports have been recieved of evil snowmen cults springing up around the globe. One unfortunate soul was able to capture a picture of one such cult before he was captured and devoured. It appears to be presided over by a child who has been taken over by the ESM to serve as a surrogate maker for all the young evil snowmen spawn! Oh the humanity, to know that our children are the target of these devilish icebound horrors! Something must be done soon for given snowmen's inhability to survive heat the ESM must be either unfurling an extremely quick plan of workd domination or researching a means of surviving the warmer months. Either way we have to act fast, never give a snowman the benefit of the doubt again, never let a random snowman stay in your yard overnight, and whatever you do.....hide the carrots.
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