What's the difference between a flute player and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops whining once in a while.
What's the difference between the first and last chair of a flute section?
At least a half step.
What's the difference between a piccolo and a dog whistle?
A dog whistle irritates only one species.
People with dog whistles usually know how to play them.
What's the difference between an oboist and a sewer rat?
Some people actually like sewer rats.
What's the difference between a clarinet and a mouse?
You can't hear a mouse squeak over a band.
What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces.
What's the difference between a saxophone and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug in the vacuum cleaner before it sucks.
What's the difference between a saxophone player and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking when you smack it on the forehead.
What's the difference between a saxophone player and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?
Bassoons are more fun to jump on.
What's the difference between a French horn and a cricket?
If you listen really hard, you can hear a cricket in the band room.
What's the difference between a horn player and a director?
Two measures.
What's the difference between a trumpet and a drink machine?
With the drink machine, you might actually get a Hi-C.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
Government bonds eventually mature and earn money. .
What's the difference between a bass trombone and a chain saw?
It's easier to improvise on a chainsaw. 
